Reviewing Number One Singles from the Year 2002 (Part 2)

Reviewing British Number One Singles from the Year 2002: July-Mid October 

 

Date of Number 1: 20.07.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 3

Artist: Gareth Gates

Song Name: Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake)

Fact: His second Number 1, an original song no less. Taken from his album ‘What my Heart Wants to Say’ Oh my-

 

My Take: -God. Sorry I had to go throw up at that album title. I mean…Anyway. I can’t recall this song at all and I was aware of chart music at the time. Before listening to the track (my current state) I have tried to remember it but just keep humming ‘My Favourite Mistake’ my Sheryl Crow. I suspect this is another song. So let’s hear it!

Chimes…I am worried…This sounds suspiciously like…yep…A generic love song from the good people at syco, Simon Cowell’s record company who have been responsible for many humdrum ballads over the years. Classics such as: ‘Mumble Mumble I love you,’ ‘Please forgive…something something’ and ‘I hope you come back so I can…finish counting my money…’

My problems with this song begin early. This is the opening line: ‘I’ve been letting you down, down’ Right there. That is lazy, lazy. Couldn’t think of a two syllable word, huh? So just repeated the word down? Nice. Three weeks at the top of the charts, British public. Good shout. And then, confusingly this next line ‘Girl, I know I’ve been such a…’ I assumed clown. But no ‘Girl I know I’ve been such a fool’ What? Why not clown? That would have rhymed and everything. I honestly didn’t see the fool coming. 1-0 to Gatesy. Not that he wrote it. He was too busy being really fucking sorry.

Ok, I am not going to sit and heckle this song much longer. It is toe curlingly cheesy and follows a cookie cutter formula where the instrumental is standard, the backing vocals ooh in a determinedly sinister way, and Gates croons gently about wanting forgiveness for cheating while gurning earnestly in an ill fitting suit. Even if you haven’t heard this song you have heard this song. It was almost fun predicting everything that was going to happen like when I bellowed ‘and key change’ only for the music to drop and…Key change! A waste of everybody’s time. Speaking of which…

Obvious Joke Time: He made a stupid mistake recording this song! Ha ha ha ha…Ho ho ho…

 

And he doesn’t feel nearly bad enough about it.

 

Did I own it: No. I am sure I owned a version of this kind of song at some point but this particular one passed me by.

Could I sing along now: ‘It could happen to anyone at all…Anyone can cheat…Shows a massive lack of respect…but anyone can do it…So I guess you should forgive me…That seem fair right?…I mean you are not getting any younger yourself…Younger yourself.’ I think those are the words.

Worth remembering: Oh mercy, no.

 

 

Date of Number 1: 10.08.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 2

Artist: Darius

Song Name: Colourblind

Fact: Another bloody Pop Idol contestant, this time the dude who came in third. This was his only Number 1.

 

My Take: So it is official. Reality TV had won. As soon as Gareth was done being sad about his stupid mistake, up came another sodding Pop Idol to take his place. But there are two, very small, silver linings here. Silver lining the First: Simon Cowell did not financially benefit from this song. Despite offering to sign Darius after the show (What was the point of first prize being a record deal with syco if the top 3 all got the same prize?) Darius declined. The second silver lining is a bit of stretch because this particular piece of information is only positive if the artists is good at it, but he had a lot of creative control over this venture and did actually write the song. So there’s that.

For those of you who don’t remember or who were busy in the early 2000’s (Keep in mind I was a teenager. What the fuck else did I have to do with my time? Although I am not sure what my excuse is now…) Darius first appeared on our TV screens when auditioning for Popstars which was subtly different from the Pop Idol cause they were looking to put together a group and the public had no say in the outcome. He was played up as some sort of deluded doofus and quickly became the butt of many jokes in the British Press, mainly due to two things. One was his exit from the competition, where he made a point of telling the (clearly pressing on the security button) judges that he would go on to have a very successful career which would include number one songs, platinum albums and a gradual ascent to Lord Commander of the World. And, most notoriously of all, was his performance of Britney’s Baby One more Time…Which…Well…Can’t really be described…Oh wait yes it can. It was horrible. Just horrible. If you can handle the cringe you should watch it…I dare you:

However here is the thing: Normally the person with this kind of attitude being laughed at on reality TV shows is supposed to be funny because they are not living on Planet Earth. Are they going to do well? No. They have no resources, no resilience, no ability…Darius on the other hand came from an extremely wealthy family and was at the time of the show attending a prestigious University. He was coming at life from a position of privilege. Why on Earth would his dreams not come true? So unlike most deluded reality contestants he didn’t go back to his 9-Midnight 14 hour overtime shift at Sainsburys. He just comforted his sad disciples (‘How much love is there in this room?’), cut off his pony tale and tried again. He knew he could have success because wealthy people are starting from the top: Even when they trip on the ladder they are permitted to climb back up again because they have already made it. His public humiliation would have been rough but it would not have put a dent in his self belief because it was one set back in a lifetime of win. So he did this next show. He proved he wasn’t crap and then he made his album like he was always going to do. Because he was always going to be fine. Whether it was modelling, academia, sports, TV or music…He was going to be fine.

Right back to the song…It is pretty hard to get offended by. The vocal doesn’t blow me away but it is competent. The little ‘feeling colour…’ lyrical idea is cute, I guess, although ‘feeling black’ was a questionable choice. The chorus has a nice summer pop feel to it but gets old fast…Am I being too harsh? It honestly is ok. And given how a lot of these reviews go Darius should count himself lucky…But then hopefully he already does.

 

Did I own it: I did not but I did go watch him sing it at Amadeus the terrible under age club by the beach in Aberdeen. He wore a kilt. It was an exciting time for music.

Could I sing along now: Nobody knows…something something beautiful…

Not really.

Worth remembering: No. Sorry Darius. Your obituary will start with that Baby One More Time…Video and you know it. Remember you have to get older, young people. If you are going to make mistakes, don’t do them at auditions with TV cameras.

 

 

Date of Number 1: 24.08.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 1

Artist: Sugababes

Song Name: Round Round

Fact: Their second number one as part of their second line up

 

My Take: Remember in my ‘Freak Like Me’ review when I pondered if Mutya and Keisha, the founding members of the group, ever felt disappointed with the direction the group went in after they switched labels? Keisha recently called Round Round out as her most hated sugababes song and I guess I can understand why. It isn’t really about anything and it came courtesy of Xenomania a production company based in London whose MO is producing catchy hits. Now for the record: I LOVE Xenomania and think that Brian Higgins and Miranda Cooper are Pop Gods. But If you are a song writer yourself I can see why you may not want to be told what to sing in order to sell. And they did sell. They sold lots.

Despite the three ‘Babes getting credited as song writers there are also 7 other names on there so their contribution was minimal if it happened at all. So Mutya and Keisha (And Heidi I suppose but…Meh) were doing what was commercial rather than staying true to the sound of ‘One Touch’ which was unashamedly home grown.

However, the sound that was starting to quietly emerge was surprisingly sophisticated. Listen to the production on this thing: There is a fantastic drum track happening, some really cool sound bites and the lyrical idea is memorable enough to get stuck in your head without being cheesy or wholesome. It is slick. It is pop, but it is dance pop. Drum and bass pop. Sexy pop. Rnb pop. Smooth pop. A little bit of Rock pop in there. I especially love the strange dooo-dooo noise that emerges behind the 4th chorus…Plus I love me some Mutya.

I just want to bathe with her…Wait, what were we talking about?

 

For that matter the other two vocals are pretty solid too. So overall…I quite like it. It is not Earth shattering music but Sugababes filled the gap left by All Saints, making pop that sounded cool and understated but also eerily catchy. Also like AS they all seemed to hate each other thus colluding with that myth that groups of women can’t enjoy each others company in a professional setting but I am less thrilled with that legacy so moving on…

I understand why Keisha doesn’t dig it, as it is a prime example of the Xenomania House Rules: You throw some stolen hooks (this one comes courtesy of Tango Forte by Dublex Inc.) and some nonsensical lyrics at a wall and see what sticks. Xenomania tracks are often musical adventurous and almost always unbelievably ear wormy. But they are never meaningful. They are not about anything. Ever. But I can’t share her irritation with this fact because Xenomania were prepearing to shake the charts up…And change my perception of pop music forever. Oh yes. They are coming…

 

Did I own it: No, but only because I had the album already.

Could I sing along now: Yes. I can’t say I know all the words because while they are awesome at harmonies, the ‘Babes are bad for mumbling. ‘Something…something beat down low?’ Eh?

Worth remembering: Yes. There is a chance this judgement has come after too many Pop Idol singles but I think it is good enough that if it came on when I was out now I would be happy. Not that I go out. I do this instead.

 

 

Date of Number 1: 31.08.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 1

Artist: Blazin’ Squad

Song Name: Crossroads

Fact: This group had ten members in it. This was their début and their only number 1.

 

My Take: I thought I remembered this song. Hell, that fucking chorus has been stuck in my head for the past 12 years. But I did not remember it being a religious song. And it really, really is. Hell the bridge is just them going: ‘And we pray, and we pray…’ over and over. They seem to be trying to see something meaningful about the consequences of living a sinful life come Judgement Day but it is hard to tell through the lacklustre delivery and the distracting fact that every member of the group is literally about 4 years old.

Another thing I didn’t know is it is actually a cover version of a Grammy award winning song by an American hip hop group called Bone Thugs N Harmony dedicated to the gangsta rap star Eazy-E who died of AIDS at just 31. It seems a bit disrespectful to take a song about a group’s dead friend and remove all the direct references to him in order to make the song about growing up in North-East London. I guess that whenever somebody covers a song they are putting their own take on whatever the songwriter was feeling but I still feel uncomfortable with them pulling this trick when A) it is a deeply personal tribute and B) they try and pretend it isn’t. It would be like releasing ‘Candle in the Wind’ where you change the verses to be about taking a really good shower or something.

If they wanted to write a song about the dangers of gang culture in the UK, why not…do that? But instead they retain the spiritual themed bridge/chours of the original while threading in some needlessly earnest tripe about how doing crime is bad. Releasing ‘Crossroads’ was in fact a last minute call after they had already shot a video for another song and the choice to start their career with a track that was already award winning and also their only cover proved to be a good one in terms of making an impact initially but a poor one in regards to longevity. To be fair they had a couple more hits and their first album did well but they were unable to sustain success and it must suck to have your most well remembered hit be something that you had very little to do with artistically when you do in fact write your own stuff. Not that they could have written all of their own stuff. They were 4 after all. 4 years old.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

The streets made men of them, the charts made babies of them…the world didn’t care.

 

Did I own it: No. To be fair, I liked that it was a different sort of act (Seriously: try and count all the Pop Idol singles in 2002) but it wasn’t really my thing. I’d be interested to find out if they were actually any good as musicians because this effort is…underwhelming to say the least.

Could I sing along now: The bridge and chorus yes. That chorus man…Can’t. Get. Rid. Look it up at your own risk…There be dragons. Catchy, catchy dragons.

Worth remembering: No. I won’t ever forget the stupid thing but that alone is not enough to make me care.

 

 

Date of Number 1: 7.09.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 3

Artist: Atomic Kitten

Song Name: Tide is High (Get the Feeling)

Fact: This was the second time this song topped the charts in the UK, the first being in 1980 courtesy of Blondie.

 

My Take: Several years ago I was visiting an exhibit in a museum in Liverpool which promised to discuss the A-Z of Liverpool Music. I was intrigued (Just what could they possibly use for B?) and it turned out the A of this particular gimmick was for Atomic Kitten. I burst out laughing and, turning to the happy Asian tourists behind me hoping to explain my outburst of glee, I elaborated: ‘Ah Yes. Of course…Remember Atomic Kitten Mania? Such a significant impact on all of our lives!’ I turned back to the wall and the three skinny chicks in combat trousers and crop tops grinned back at me with the frozen lost look of three extremely ordinary people who had done rather well from not very much at all and who had no control over when it would end.

Being a popstar is fun…Wait, where are you going???

 

As much as I mock (and I do) it is easy to forget just how well they were doing at this point. 2001 had given them two massive singles that had sold extremely well and then in 2002 the Kittens went global. ‘The Tide is High’ made them Number 1 all over the world doing mad business in New Zealand, Australia (where it was a Christmas hit, oddly enough), all over Europe (only excluding France and Italy who I guess didn’t care for the Kits) and all over Asia where it became the biggest selling British cross over single of 2002.

That…is impressive. The numbers don’t lie. So was it the song or them that people responded to?

They look so friendly…

As I mentioned above it was a tried and tested hit for Blondie. Now before you embarrass yourself by jumping on youtube to leave a ‘OMG Blondie original was soooo much better I was born in the wrong generation #oldbeforemytime’ comment, Blondie actually covered it themselves. It was written in the 60’s by Jamaican reggae musician John Holt and performed by his ska group The Paragons. Their version sounds like this:

 

The Blondie version actually retains the steel drums, Caribbean vibe which lends a nice juxtaposition to Debbie Harry’s very American sound. While I think it is one of my least favourite Blondie tracks overall, it still works.

What a fucking journey that song must have gone on to end up in the paws of Atomic Kitten huh?

Well, as previous entries should have made clear by now, Atomic Kitten were very, very lucky. ‘The Tide is High’ was actually going to be released by teen pop sensation turned respected actress Billie Piper who begged her management not to do it as she wanted to give up making music because she was bad at it (I assume that is what she said, admittedly I wasn’t there). But waste not want not, thought the record company. I mean, why scrap a perfectly good Jamaican song you have lying around when you have the ska ability of Atomic Kitten sitting down the corridor sharpening their nails? Right guys?

This song has actually been covered a whole heap of times and after sifting through many, many versions I find I usually appreciate it best when there is at least some effort to retain the musical context of the original. After all, the lyrics are very simple and repetitive so the production kind of needs to have tight vocals, good instrumentals and a lovely bobbing rhythm in order to sell the feel of the track. The people down at the Good Ship Generic Music Management, however, decided to strip the song of its laid back, wistful charm and cultural influence and make it all plastic and edgeless. I am not sure why, but it clearly worked out. Mercifully they did remove the awful male vocal that is present on Ms Piper’s version though. Small mercies and all that.

So back to the Cat interpretation. There is an added middle 8 that is totally disconnected to the rest of the song hence the ‘Get the Feeling’ and a dance routine that I in no way used to do whenever this song played on TV. So was it worthy of the success it had? In my opinion: Kind of. I stand by what I said about the record company surgically removing what makes the song charming in the first place. The production choices in the Kitten version are criminally generic and the verses really show up the fact that this song is not really meant to be a poppy track. The rhythm is all off and stilted and…God…it is all just so shiny. Safe. Soft.

However here is the thing I can’t really explain: Natasha Hamilton saves it for me. Again. As with ‘Eternal Flame’ I find her weirdly hollow, blatantly calculated vulnerability somehow endearing. Possibly it is because she was about 8 months pregnant in the video but still wearing her skinny jeans. She really isn’t the kind of girl who gives up just like that. I am sure her management had to go and scream into a pillow after she told them the blessed news, seeing as she was the second member of their teenage band to get knocked up in the space of a year. And that is not a teenage band as in a band for teenagers.

In conclusion, I am baffled by my findings and they might be the words of someone who has just spent over an hour listening to one song but there is an infectious joy to the Kitten’s take on a reggae standard which does make me smile. Sure, it isn’t special. But the combination of the cheesy dance, the committed cheerfulness and the unsettling hold Natasha Hamilton has over what remains of my brain means I actually still really like this. While the song itself deserves better than them, I am actually glad the Kittens did better than they deserved.

 

Did I own it: Yes. I had the single which had a medley of tracks from their forthcoming album on it. ‘Sold!’ I thought and off I went to get it as soon as it was available. My favourite track was and remains ‘The Last Goodbye.’ I did say when I started this I was going to be honest about my more embarrassing music choices over the years but I draw the line at doing the ‘Tide is High’ dance for your entertainment.

Could I sing along now: Yes. How could you not?

Worth remembering: Oh man…The song definitely has a winning quality that I will always enjoy on some level. But if only one version is allowed in this strange Music Vault I have concocted, it will have to be the one by The Paragons.

 

I am sure you thought I was never going to stop talking about Atomic Kitten for a while there didn’t you? Well if you liked that, wait till you see what happens when we get to the end of December. They. Are. Coming. But first…

 

 

Date of Number 1: 28.09.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 1

Artist: Pink or P!nk as I believe she is officially known as when written down.

Song Name: Just Like a Pill

Fact: Her first number one over here as a solo artist.

 

My Take: It never occurred to me for a moment that this was actually supposed to be in any way about drug addiction. It was clearly about some kind of unhealthy relationship: Hence ‘like’ a pill. So colour me confused when I discovered a quote from Pinkie claiming that this supposedly personal song was inspired by her own drug issues. I say supposedly personal…I am not so cynical that the presence of a second writer on the track is enough for me to dismiss Pink’s contribution. If I was being honest in the meanest way I would say the lyrics are bad enough that I can fully believe she wrote them unaided. They sound like the poems I used to write when I was 13. The bad ones. That I have burned. But a personal experience song? ‘Just Like a Pill’ could be applied to anything or anyone and therefore the words leave me cold particularly as a ‘drugs are harsh, man’ message. If this song was trying to say something new or creative about addiction it is an empty mess I want no part in.

However the advantage of writing a catchy pop song with an open message like this one is it can in fact be applied to anyone or anything. So young girls can hear this song and relate it to their own issues which is not a bad deal as a marketing gimmick. Plus I can’t criticize Pink for not wanting to go into detail about her drug related woes: Why not keep it generic?

My interpretation of the lyric, back when I was giving Pink more credit than she apparently deserved, was that it is about fame. Fame is the thing that is just like a pill. It is clearly very, very bad for you, to have your hopes, dreams and livelihood tied to the approval and acceptance of others, but once you get a taste of a world where you appear to matter you don’t want to return to a world where you don’t, even if it is all artificial and subjective. The need to keep gambling with your emotional well being in order to get your validation fix is a dangerous one and that is how I always heard this song. But, like I said, it can be about a bad relationship, a dodgy curry, watching Wheel of Fortune…Take your pick. ‘I’m lying here on the floor…where you left me…I think I took too much.’ Could be any of the above. It is frustratingly vague about what is ‘just’ like a pill. Hell it turns out, according to the interview I read with the lady herself, that drugs are just like drugs. Give that girl a coconut!

So musically, what are we working with? I like that intro and the way the bridge builds so nicely to the chorus but once you get past that it just keeps repeating the cycle…Oh I get it…Like you do with drugs! This song is soooo layered. Or should have been 1:05 minutes long. Either/or. But I made it to the end, several times actually, because I do like Pink’s voice and I like the ‘tude she brings to the track. Again: I don’t appreciate how broad the tone of the thing is, but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe she means every damn word.

I know a lot of people who really hate her. I am not one of them. While not all her songs are winners and she does insist on giving a lot of money to PETA (Look them up Pink! They do more harm than good!) I don’t think she gets enough credit for her live vocals and I appreciate the conviction with which she attacks her work, which is possibly what people who don’t like her find annoying: She enjoys being a singer so much that it might sometimes seem like she is forcing her vulnerable ‘tough girl who is really messed up’ shit on us a bit. When there are so many pop singers who are dead behind the eyes, it can be a bit much to have someone like Pink in the charts, trying to connect so hard that it is off putting to some. Or maybe people just don’t like her music. That I can relate to. As much as I respect her, the effort in her performance is not always extended to her records. ‘Just Like a Pill’ seems to promise a personal exploration into the depths of Pink’s soul. What emerges is puddle deep.

 

Did I own it: I acquired it at some point, not when it first came out though. I always switch off after the first chorus now if it comes on thanks to shuffle. It has made its point.

Could I sing along now: Yes. I remember it was a regular song on one of those music video channels when I was a bit younger and the edited version didn’t make any sense. Instead of: ‘I can’t stay on your life support there’s a shortage in the switch, I can’t stay on your morphine, cause it’s making me itch, I tried to call the nurse again but she’s being a little bitch…’ It went: ‘I can’t stay on your life support there’s a shortage in the switch, I can’t stay on your life support cause it’s making me itch, I tried to call the nurse again but she’s being a little switch…’ in a really clumsy way. I can’t help but always sing switch instead of bitch at that point in the song now. How is someone behaving if they are being a little switch? Wouldn’t it have been easier to bleep out the words morphine and bitch?

Worth remembering: No. Sorry Pink. Please don’t write a song about me.

 

 

Date of Number 1: 5.10.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 2

Artist: Will Young & Gareth Gates

Song Name: The Long and Winding Road

Fact: I chose to do this to myself. Nobody is making me do it.

 

My Take: Why?

 

The question that has plagued mankind for years.

Why? Why do we live? Why do we suffer? Why do some people have to suffer so much more than others? Why must we be so cruel to one another? Why, why, why, why WHY, must bright eyed pop stars from reality TV insist on covering Beatles songs?

I don’t want this. I am going to put off the moment I actually have to (not have to, this is my choice…Why do I hate myself???) listen to the Will ‘Haven’t I fulfilled my contractual obligations with the Idol series yet?’ Young and Gareth ‘spiked hair and shiny clothes’ Gates version, by talking about The Beatles. Cause I never do that.

Basically I have never liked this song much. Gasp! I know. It is basically a McCartney solo number which is very self indulgent and lumbering and was, at least in part, responsible for the demise of the group. McCartney was so outraged when he heard what producer Phil Spector did to his precious song that nine days later he cited it as one of the deciding factors in his choice to call time on The Beatles. What Spector did to the song, incidentally, was add a silly choir and some OTT orchestration. Bastard. In an attempt to spare you a comment, I am aware that making a simple song bombastic is not the worst thing Spector has ever done but I am not going there. Ok? Good…Point is, McCartney was not McHappy. After all, this was his baby. How dare Spector mess with the sound mixing of his song, like he was some kind of ‘music producer’? Of course McCartney was happy to take the Grammy for the Spector produced ‘Let it Be’ album that included this track because…you know…shiny prizes are shiny.

Hypocrite? Moi?

 

So I suppose I should be grateful Cowell didn’t give the Idol Children a Beatles track I really loved as their new toy to break. Nonetheless, at least if it was a fast happy song, or a catchy classic they might be able to sell that. I don’t see them adding anything to what was already, in my opinion, a pretty dull lounge bar style piano ballad not fit to grace the back catalogue of the most consistently innovative band of all time. I vaguely remember Young and Gates doing this song, and sleepwalking their way through it. But then I forgot. I forgot for the longest time. It was a happy time.

So here we go…

Oh God… The production JUST sounds like a karaoke backing track. Jesus, it must be easy being Simon Cowell. Album producing down at syco must take about 14 minutes. Both Gates and Young have a lot of vocal ticks that make me cringe when inflicted on The Beatles, and their interpretation of the (admittedly corny) lyrics is pretty vapid. They might as well be singing ‘The Long and Winding Road…That leads to your door…I’ve come for a cup of tea…Is your Nan doing better? Kidney problems are the wors-s-st. Work’s been a dream this week, we always get more done when Kelly’s on leave…’

But…If they did this a cappella at an open mike night I would probably clap at the end. Because as much as it pains me to praise anything this bereft of creativity, neither are technically bad singers. In fact, they are technically good singers. Better yet they are actually quite distinctive singers, especially Young. So as much as I won’t be listening to this ever again It wasn’t the worst 3 and a half minutes of my life. This version is totally pointless but at least it is not totally worthless too. Although it comes pretty damn close.

 

Did I own it: No. Even I was fed up of Reality TV stars at this point. But that was because I didn’t know they were coming…They are almost here…

Could I sing along now: Here and there but not really. As I said, I don’t even care for the original that much.

Worth remembering: Of all the songs I have ever talked about I can’t stress loudly enough how much this doesn’t deserve to be remembered. To be clear, it is not the worst song I have ever reviewed for this feature or even the worst cover version but man alive, it is not worth remembering.

 

 

Date of Number 1: 19.10.2002

Number of weeks at the top: 1

Artist: Las Ketchup (Oh God…)

Song Name: The Ketchup Song

Fact: These were (are? I assume they still exist somewhere) 3 Spanish sisters bringing us the gift of a Mediterranean novelty song. And I didn’t even get them anything…

 

My Take: Oh God that chorus…Why must they repeat it 3 times in a row? It doesn’t benefit from repetition. I remember back when this song was inescapable asking my Spanish speaking friend what the chorus meant. I was mainly asking because at one point it sounds like they are saying ‘boogie’ and I wanted to know if the chorus was instructions to the dance you were supposed to do or if was actually hard hitting historical free verse about the Spanish Civil War. He looked at me wearily and said: ‘It doesn’t mean anything.’ I assumed he was being pretentious, lording my own ignorance over me, but having just looked it up it would seem he was telling the truth. The verses are a mix of Spanish and English but the chorus appears to be gobbledegook.

I guess it is fun and you can dance to it and there was a little routine, reminiscent of ‘Macarena’ and ‘Saturday Night.’ The Ketchup sisters (almost certainly not their real surname but I am fucked if I am looking it up. I don’t mean to be disrespectful but they are not going to be back on this list and I oh so don’t care) seem to be having a good time and while I could live the rest of my life quite happily never hearing them sing again their enthusiasm here goes a long way. It is such a happy song that it seems almost impossibly po faced to hate on it but I am going to anyway. I hate it. Not because of the made up chours, sing a long beach video, the silly dance or the way it dominated the radio at the time of release. No. I hate this song because they re-released it at Christmas. It was the exact same song only they added jingle bells. It was literally the laziest God damn thing I have ever heard. And that is why I say, loudly and clearly: Fuck. This. Song.

 

Did I own it: No

Could I sing along now: I wish I could say no but man, is this bad boy catchy. Sure I can’t sing the words but I can make the noises.

Worth remembering: Yes. It should have won a Ivor Novello award.

 

The length of this started to get away from me a bit so I have split it into three parts instead of the usual two. The third page should be easily accessible as it is written and ready to go. So go. Read it now. Enjoy. It is here: Click here on this. Are you lost? Why are you still here? Check the tags or click the arrow or go to the archives or save it for later but you will read it won’t you? Without you I am just reminiscing about pop music from 2002 by myself and that is just sad…

 

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