Girls Aloud: A Retrospective. Part 2~Album Tracks
Why do we find it so hard to celebrate success? When Girls Aloud’s first album launched, the reception had one common thread: Confusion. The music critics clearly felt hard done by, as they had been ready to declare the manufactured, too many cooks production, product of reality TV a yawn-inducing disaster. And when it wasn’t they didn’t really know what to say. Why not offer up any of the following: Awesome? Well done? Can’t wait for the follow up? Most of the reviews I have read end by reminding the audience that the girls will struggle to maintain their career at the same level.
Hindsight is marvellous isn’t it? While Girls Aloud’s march of success wasn’t without bumps in the road (and fists in other people’s faces) it is clear to anyone who has been paying any attention at all that they didn’t peak with album one.
So I am here to celebrate my favourite Girls Aloud tracks from every Girls Aloud album because while the quality of their work really does speak for itself, I needed an excuse to look through millions of Nicola gifs:
It’s not stalking if our marriage is only in my mind…
Let us get some bias out the way: These are not the tracks that are necessarily musically their best because I am not fit to judge such things and the order they have been put into is largely pedantic. These are simply my favourites. I decided to do a Top 20 only to discover I actually couldn’t narrow it down to that few. That is how much I love this group. So, after more hours than I care to admit, I was able to give you a Top 24. You are welcome. I say that, because more people read Part 1 than I was expecting so I guess I am not the only one who needed some closure after the demise of the best pop group of the past 20 years.
The night the lights went out…Ok so that wasn’t actually the moment they broke up and we were all expecting it but…still…Nooooo…
Between December 2002 and their dispantion in March 2013 Girls Aloud released 7 albums in total, two of which were single collections including limited new material. Taking the ‘Hits’ records out of the running (although their new tracks will be counted in the actual list) here is how I feel about them as a whole starting from fair enough to ohmygodiloveit:
5. Sound of the Underground (Album: 1. Peak Chart Position: 2. Number of Tracks in my top 24: 1)
Before Xenomania and the great Brian Higgins took over proceedings completely, the sound of Girls Aloud struggled to get off the ground. While there are a lot of songs with fun, silly, danceable choruses, the girls themselves get lost a bit and man oh man the ballads are bad. In the end, while several of them nearly made the cut, only 1 album track from their début made my personal list. I would still recommend it for completion’s sake but it is not a must have.
4. Out of Control (Album: 5. Peak Chart Position: 1. Number of Tracks in my top 24: 4)
Some reviewers gleefully pounced on this record as evidence that Xenomania were starting to run dry. While I disagree and actually enjoy it a lot, I see where they are coming from. This is an album that plays it a little safe compared to what came before, but it still has moments of sheer lunacy and joy that more than make up for any repetition or lacklustre ideas. Plus Nicola and Kimberly get to sing a lot more than they usually do which is never a bad thing.
3. What will the Neighbours Say? (Album: 2. Peak Chart Position: 6. Number of Tracks in my top 24: 4)
To be honest with you, there is nothing between this and Tangled Up. Both of them are excellent albums, this one may have the edge on Tangled Up purely because of how it took things to the next level for Girls Aloud musically, but I swapped them when I saw how I rated the individual tracks on the actual list…It was tough though. This is not a game to me…This is super cereal.
2. Tangled Up (Album: 4. Peak Chart Position: 4. Number of Tracks in my top 24: 5)
See above. Excellent album, some cool songs, a couple of missteps, but pretty awesome. This one kind of felt like the most experimental musically speaking which meant a lot of the tracks are not the most personal sounding songs in the world, but I forgive it because man alive can I dance to them…
1. Chemistry (Album: 3. Peak Chart Position: 11. Number of Tracks in my Top 24: 7)
What the Hell British public? Just as the good people at Xenomania mastered the modern pop album, interest seemingly began to drop off, going by the peak chart position. Thankfully their subsequent singles collection and a successful tour revitalised things but if it had all ended here it would still been quite the triumph. Chemistry borders on a concept album as most of the material talks about the fast paced modern world, the illusion of fame and success and generally just being a 20-something with lots of money. It is so close to perfect it hurts a bit: But one or two incredibly insipid tracks, that don’t fit with the flow at all and just scream management interference, stop it just short of being a greatest hits collection in its own right.
Bizarrely you can get a special edition version with a bunch of Christmas songs on it, which is a bit like throwing Hava Nagila on the tail end of ‘Pet Sounds’ but ok…whatever sells more units I guess.
Additionally the single choices for this record baffle me beyond belief but we will get to that in Part 3…But enough of any negativity. Chemistry has 8 tracks (Plus an intro) that were not released as singles and 7 of them appear in my top 24. If you have to own only one Girls Aloud album, this is the one.
Enough of this nonsense! Let’s have some slightly different nonsense! Right now! Yeaaaaahhh…
24. Live in the Country (Out of Control)
I debated not putting this song on the list because so many fans seem to really hate it: I think it is because in the same year Memory of You was a B Side Live in the Country made the album and so I do understand. But this is my list and frankly any song which conjures up images of a pissed up Sarah Harding staggering around a village fête is ok by me.
The track was created as a response to band member Harding’s choice to swap London for a farm and while the chorus isn’t all that, the verses are awesome and the drum/bass descending into animal noises alone deserves a mention.
Best Lyric: ‘I want a stall at the fête selling strawberry shortcake, and walls that are very discreet’ Excellent.
Best Vocal: While Kimberly’s crisp delivery of the line above is fantastic, I have to give it to my girl Nic for her beautiful slight mispronunciation of the word eccentric with: ‘I’ll be out of my head, but they’ll say I’m eccentric, and look the other way…’
Any Live Performances?: Nope.
23. Control of the Knife (Tangled Up)
Girls Aloud do reggae…Kind of. The ska influences are undeniable here and while it isn’t as impactful as a lot of their work it is fun to dance to and it is kind of cool to have them tackling something new. I love the juxtaposition of the horns that kick in at the end and the repeated refrain (Got sweet hassle, sweet talking me, got cheap babble, cheap talking free) in a computer voice. However it is missing a much needed conclusion…Enter the live version…
Best Lyric: ‘You’re keeping control of the knife…But I’m not your darling’ is enjoyably cold for such an uptempo number.
Best Vocal: Well I will have to take it to the live version to answer that…
Any Live Performances?: Yes, they did it on their Tangled Up Tour to great effect. Bringing in Kelis’s ‘Trick Me’ at the end works surprisingly well as does Cheryl barking out dance instructions. Speaking of Cheryl the look she gives the camera as she howls: ‘I’ll never let you trick me twice!’ is genuinely a little scary. Hell, everything about this performances works because of her: The aggressive way she attacks the choreography is superb. She may not be the strongest singer but damn, the tiny Geordie can work it:
22. Here we Go (What will the Neighbours Say?)
One of the most important members of the GA team is Miranda Cooper, former pop star and Xenomania lyricist. Normally she works with a crew and GA to make the magic happen but on this occasion this song was one she had written for herself. Recorded under her alias Moonbaby, this would go on to be the theme to a somewhat popular show called ‘Totally Spies’ and was also recorded by the lead singer from Aqua. So by the time the girls got it, well, it was somewhat second hand and that kind of shows: It sounds a little more generic than a lot of their best stuff.
Nonetheless, they still seem to have fun with it, especially when it comes to the dirtier lyrics. That opening line, delivered by a then still 18 year old Nicola, ‘Put your tongue in my ear, it’s queer but kind of fun’ sets the tone nicely. Plus there is a brilliant synth hook, some good guitar work and the build up to that nearly-but-not-quite rock chorus is a nice ride. And yes. Totally Spies is a children’s show. And yes. They changed the lyrics a lot to make it broadcastable.
Best Lyric: By a country mile: ‘I don’t do sex, but I do do second base…So I suggest you wipe that frown from off your face’ Outstanding…
Best Vocal: They swap back and forth a lot in this one but I still can’t quite get over Nicola’s ‘Put your tongue in my ear it’s queer but kind of fun…’ but Kim also does a great job with ‘I suggest you wipe that frown from off your face’
Any Live Performances?: Yes they did this on their first little tour and it comes to life a bit more than it does on the recording. I like Sarah best in this one actually as her shouty vocals lend itself to the spirit of the original track more than the others:
21. Love is Pain (Out of Control)
That intro always confuses me because while the song is a sharp, smooth, cold bit of glacier dance pop, I always think of ‘The Bad Touch’ in the bit before the vocals…Make of that what you will. Unsurprisingly, this is largely considered to be a song about Cheryl’s cheating Husband but it is the simplicity of the track and the underplayed vulnerability in the delivery that sells it for me, not any behind the scenes drama that may or may not have been going on. A solid bit of break up dance music.
Best Lyric: None of the lyrics work well out of the context of the song, where the mood it creates is the thing, but there is something about the line ‘…Feel I could wipe you’ that appeals to me. The idea that you can just wipe a person who hurt you from your mind is pretty appealing…they should make a film about it or something…
Best Vocal: Easily Nicola’s opening verse…While Cheryl also does a great job with her moments, I think Nicola’s dainty delivery (‘I couldn’t have sung any softer without whispering’ she complains in a behind the scenes interview) is just stunning.
Any Live Performances?: They first did it on some ITV special and it is a good performance for Cheryl’s wounded puppy dog eyes for sure (seriously, girlfriend was hurting…) but the Out of Control Tour gave the song the wind machine it deserves:
20. Real Life (What will the Neighbours Say?)
I really, really like the lyrics to this song. To me, it is about the gamble of fame and how addictive it is and how everyone just wants a little more…Soon it is no longer a bit of fun but an occupation where the outcome really matters. You need people to love you in order to keep doing it and once you are on that kind of ride, that relies on others almost 100%, it is not up to you when you get off…But maybe I am reading too much into it. After all this is a song that talks about kung fu twists.
Best Lyric: ‘Dance while your dollar’s going up up up, catch your lucky number while it’s rising, rising…’
Best Vocal: Nadine’s bridge is suitably dramatic: ‘I think I’m falling! I’m not done crawling!’
Any Live Performances?: I have heard it made an appearance on their Greatest Hits Tour but the full version was also part of the set list during their first outing around the country and includes some excellent work from everyone:
19. Some Kind of Miracle (Sound of the Underground)
This is the only non-single I like enough to take with me from the first album but I really do find it charming. It was originally going to be a single until they were asked to sing a cover for a Richard Curtis film…Which is kind of a shame because this song deserves to be heard. On the surface, it could belong to anyone but the bridge and chorus both have an intense quality I love, and for me it is how I used to feel at discos…there is something just beyond adorable about a song with lines about a ‘dj box’ and a ‘glitter ball’ and then there is the ‘ba-ba-ba’ which just reminds me of 5pm CBBC drama theme tunes, and then out of nowhere that line ‘something kinda sexual…makes doing you incredible’ Jesus that escalated quickly…This is where the similarities between this and my school disco experience come to an abrupt end.
Best Lyric: ‘I roll my eyes as if I don’t care anyway, but deep inside I close my eyes and pray’ sums up my flirting technique.
Best Vocal: Again, they swap around a lot so there is not a lot of time to take in interpretation plus to add to my confusion I have both the version that was going to be released as a single and the original album track where they all sing different lines…I think it has to be Cheryl who says: ‘I’m tired of hanging round the DJ box pretending that I’m cool’ Just because I am a little bit obsessed with the inclusion of that phrase and the way they make it fit…Is that what you call it? Really? A DJ Box?
Any Live Performances?: Sadly not, but here is the alternative version which differs a bit (it is a bit more polished) just for a change:
18. Deadlines and Diets (What will the Neighbours Say?)
Another almost single, this kind of feels like an All Saints song tonally (specifically Never, Ever. I swear I wrote this before seeing the same thing written online in a Stylus review…) and is that rare thing: A Girls Aloud song that is kind of cool. Well, as cool as any song that includes the line groovy can be. Although, Cheryl’s delivery suggests it is being used in a post-modern sarcastic way…Does that help?
This is another song that was recorded by Moonbaby, but unlike ‘Here we Go’ I feel like Girls Aloud succeed in making it their own. These are girls who you can imagine waking up, looking around and going: ‘Oh fuck, not again.’ Especially Harding.
The repetition of the bridge and chorus gets a bit old, but perhaps it is to emphasise the cycle of one night stands? Whatever, they sound great and it really sells the story: It has me reaching for the aspirin every time.
Best Lyric: The filthy innuendo of…’Wham bam, my life’s a disaster movie…But as I’m going down I’ll grin’ Tee hee.
Best Vocal: I know my bias is starting to show for the ginger one, but on the recording Nicola’s defeated and dry delivery of the final bridge/middle 8 is just too good.
Any Live Performances?: Yes. And check out those market stall dresses…You can tell this was their first tour huh?
17. Close to Love (Tangled Up)
You heard it here first: Girls Aloud need more wood. Yep. So this song is stupid but it isn’t cheesy: the production is excellent and it is all just so enjoyable. It is that kind of song that you have to bop to, just for the sake of moving. It is proper disco with funny lyrics and frankly sounds like it has been around forever. I can’t listen to that chorus without grinning. I don’t have much else to say about it: It is fun, fast and damn fine.
Best Lyric: ‘We’re gonna start this fire, cause I know I should, watch the flames go higher, we’re gonna need more wood’ Innuendos FTW.
Best Vocal: Nadine sounds pretty awesome in the live version, but I gotta go with my girl Nic, for the second bridge.
Any Live Performances?: Yes they did it on the Tangled Up Tour. Now that is clearly not them singing live on the chorus (that may have been added in post production though) but the dance routines crack me up on this one and it is as fun as a song like this should be. Any video that starts with Cheryl slapping Kim’s arse is going to be a good ‘un:
16. Crocodile Tears (Tangled Up)
While I will always love up tempo Aloud, this is one of several slower songs that demonstrate that with the right balance of pretty music and a spot on emotional pitch the girls can sell the fuck out of something more ‘adult’ in theme. It is about a break up but unlike a lot of girl band ballads, it has a darker shadowy vibe with a kind of resigned shrug of defeat behind it. Rather than wringing their hands and crying their eyes out, I imagine them staring numbly at the extra toothbrush, unsure of what to do next.
Musically it is hard to pin down quite what they were trying to do, but it works for me anyway. But most of all, and I can’t always say this, it is the performances that make the song. I really feel the morose defeat behind lines like: ‘ we better stop…before we tumble’ I can’t say how much direction they got with their delivery but it is just the right balance of genuine heart break and irritation at their bad luck.
Best Lyric: While I enjoy ‘stupid Cupid took a terrible landing…’ I like the emotional simplicity of ‘Why on Earth did you leave me? Did you need to leave me?’ best of all. Those two lines say so much with so little.
Best Vocal: I really like Sarah’s heartfelt ‘I gotta stop…dreaming away now’ but Kimberly’s trademark light delivery fits beautifully with her ‘Why on Earth did you leave me?’ It suggests a suitable bewilderment that comes with being dumped.
Any Live Performances?: Given that there are some lovely vocals on this, I am sad they never did it live.
15. It’s Magic (Chemistry)
A Nicola solo! It’s a Christmas Miracle!
Like the B Side ‘I Don’t really Hate You’ this doesn’t quite feel like a complete song in how it meanders and it took takes a few listens to ‘get it’ as a result but I got there in the end. It tips the hat to 80’s dance pop at every turn and there is an odd urgency to the production despite the mellowness of the sound. While I wouldn’t have said no to it being a group effort it is nice that Nicola got an opportunity to carry a whole song (her second incidentally, but this one works better for me) and she pulls off an understated delivery with flair.
Best Lyric: For some reason I love the line ‘I need some help shifting this heartache’ It is such a relatable sentiment.
Best Vocal: It is all Nicola, but I like her delivery of ‘With you, only you, I know that I can be myself…funny how I can find that with you and no-body else’
Any Live Performances?: No. I guess I understand why…This is more about the production than it is about the performance.
14. Watch Me Go (Chemistry)
I usually find songs about sex kind of bland, like they have been written by people who have heard of this thing called ‘doing it’ but have never actually engaged in the activity themselves and, to be honest, the initial lyrics of ‘Watch me Go’ are no different. All this talk of all day fuck fests involving bondage and laboured metaphors about explosions (Like cum! I get it!) just scream: ‘Isn’t this filthy, aren’t we bad?’ which just sucks. (like cu-Ok we ALL get it)
But the beat is truly fantastic and then, in classic Xenomania fashion, there is a sudden shift in tone with the cheerful verse: ‘Strippers and the vicars in the back…’ What? What’s happening? And suddenly the song becomes a parody of ‘sexy’ with all this chat about taking it from a big trombone, like something out of a Carry On film…and then back to the super serious sexy song. But they are not done there, ending the song with a possibly pissed up Sarah Harding singing in a mocking voice ‘I know what you’re thinking you’ve been thinking about my butt’ What??? It is almost like these moments have been inserted to catch out people who are not listening properly and it is gloriously fun.
I have read reviews comparing this song to works from Salt n Pepper, Gwen Stefani, J Pop (in general) and Michael Jackson and none of these are inaccurate. The JC production is fantastic and it is real grower. And yes. That is another sex reference. Enjoy.
Best Lyric: ‘Strippers and the vicars in the back, First man cracked, Jump on the main line track, I take a little bit of pay, okay, and the beat of the big trombone!’ Because I didn’t see it coming. There’s another for you.
Best Vocal: Cheryl has a lot of fun with the ‘strippers and the vicars’ and Nadine has some great moments but I have to give it to Sarah’s hilarious fade out.
Any Live Performances?: Thank goodness they did this one on the Chemistry Tour. Even Nadine once said she wishes she could have done ‘Watch me Go’ more often. Plus how much fun does Cheryl have with her bit? And then there is my beautiful awkward Nic…God I love her.
13. Love is the Key (Out of Control)
That apparently Georgian choir intro going into a hook that I swear is so immediate that I felt I must have heard it somewhere before, is a strong start somewhat undermined by Kim’s silly faux American accent doing a largely typical ‘opposites attract’ song. Yawn. Hell, they even have Nic say the line: ‘I don’t mind the friction, cause opposites attract’ They are not even trying to pretend it is anything…nope. End of sentence. It isn’t anything.
Pushing aside the laziness of the verses the clang-clang electro country thing is great, the bridge (written by Kim herself) and the chorus are enjoyable enough. While Kim’s bridge lost me a bit by using the word guy three times it got me back with lines like ‘Now we’re picking out the tiles and curtains’ and ‘If you love somebody don’t ask why…Cupid mystifies’ And then there is that…’oh-oh-oh-oh-oh’ that MUST have existed before! Point is, there is a lot to get down to, not least of all the excellent inclusion of a harmonica solo in the fade out played by none other than The Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr. Yep. A member of The Smiths features on a song with lines like ‘I’m mocha-chocca latte, you’re more espresso shot’
I will let him tell it:
‘I was working with Brian Higgins on a Pet Shop Boys record, and let it slip that I liked the guitars on a couple of Girls Aloud’s early singles. So he got me in a headlock, took me from behind and, before I knew it, I had a harmonic in my mouth.’
That’s show biz, kids.
Best Lyric: I like the line about picking out tiles and curtains. It is recognisably mundane and evocative, Cokieblume said pretentiously. Thanks Kim.
Best Vocal: Kimberly’s drawl on the word ‘blonde’ makes me roll my eyes but hell, it works. This is her moment really.
Any Live Performances?: Yes. They did a wonderfully camp version on the Out of Control Tour
12. Wild Horses (Chemistry)
So…While ‘Wild Horses’ is a great combination of sinister and delightfully fizzy, it is perhaps most fondly remembered as the song that has Girls Aloud making train noises. And quite rightfully so. What starts of as a classic backing vocal style ‘whoo-whoo’ builds to an actual ‘WHOOO-WHOOO’ and it is, of course, brilliant. But then, so is everything about this song.
The creepy intro that goes into the silly, sassy chorus, then a naff childishly delivered verse going straight into a much, much darker part musically aided by a snarling, low vocal by Sarah who has never sounded better. I love the shifts in tone considerably, it gives the track an urgency and an edge that is just so enjoyable. I read one review which likened the love affair discussed in the lyrics as being about sex so bad it becomes like sexual assault. Jesus. Quite a reading for a song with faux train noises, no?
Best Lyric: Is it wrong to award this to the train noise? I’m sorry but…I have to.
Best Vocal: Sarah’s work in some of the verses is genuinely great.
Any Live Performances?: Yes but sadly not the whole song. It goes into single ‘Wake me Up’ which is no bad thing but I wouldn’t say no to a whole performance of ‘Wild Horses’
(Skip to the end for classic Nadine/Nurhdeen bantz)
11. Racy Lacey (Chemistry)
The fact that so many of the stand out tracks on Chemistry got buried by lacklustre singles like See the Day and Long Hot Summer is a bit of a mystery. But I suppose when a large percentage of your fans are preadolescence, your pop princesses can’t be seen to be twisting round the stage celebrating/condemning a girl who has ‘a PHD with her legs apart.’ Although overall I imagine the average 12 year old girl can relate more to a song like this than a love ballad.
‘Racy Lacey’ is nasty despite of, or perhaps because of, how upbeat it is. These 5 are way, way too comfortable berating a girl for chewing up and spitting out men. It is undeniably the taunt of the playground bully more than a wry observational song about modern sexuality made all the more explicit by how it was introduced/performed on the Chemistry tour. Make no mistake: Lacey is the school bike and we should all hate her for it.
The intent and message of Racy Lacey always makes me think of a girl I knew at school who had a ‘reputation’ who one day confided in me that she was actually a virgin and had only ever kissed a couple of boys. I repaid her confidence by writing her into a play several years later. And putting her on this blog. Sorry. But the point is this: Some people are not always what they seem and the ‘na-na-na-na’ vibe of Racy Lacey never fails to conjure up this girl in my head.
Confused messages about casual sex aside, Lacey has a backing track that wouldn’t be out of place on an Austin Powers soundtrack, it is a send up of the groovy, complete with wacky sound effects, as well as a catty snarling chorus that is irritatingly memorable and an abrupt ending that concludes one of the best pop albums of the last 10 years with one hell of a mic drop. Unless you have the extended version with all the Christmas songs…Seriously…why?
Best Lyric: That is a very silly question. ANY song that has the line ‘She’s got undulating, grundulating, grinding hips’ gets a lifetime pass from me.
Best Vocal: I enjoy the mean girls bridge and chorus performed by everyone best of all but I do think Nadine stands out with her withering ‘And she’s worn them out by half past nine’
Any Live Performances?: Yep. Lacey got a delightfully tacky outing on the Chemistry tour. Bet that woke up the parents who had brought their kids to the concert…
10. Waiting (Chemistry)
I first heard this song while watching the Chemistry Tour and I immediately fell deeply in love and it remains a track I listen to a lot. However it stops short at number 10 because the recording just isn’t as good. The live performances are full of the energy and zest a tune like this needs and the studio work falls flat in comparison with none of the girls nailing the humour and pace such rich work highly deserves: it always feels a bit like they are struggling to keep up with it.
Having said that, it is still great. Musically it has a retro vibe running through it but it doesn’t broadcast it-That opening riff is so wonderfully assured, keeping in mind this was made before Mark Ronson started trying to bring funky swing back to the commercial mainstream. The lyrics are some of my favourites ever with wonderful golden nuggets spread throughout. Just…I genuinely can’t even handle the line: ‘Hey there buttercup…You’re like a peach on ice’ Read it again. Say the words out loud. I treasure and cherish the minds that brought that image into my head.
Best Lyric: As above. But for the sake of happy fingers I will write it again: ‘Hey there buttercup…you’re like a peach on ice.’ Fucking…yes.
Best Vocal: I think Nicola’s ‘Mr Magic is not some toy’ sounds great and bonus points to Sarah for ‘If every guy’s a dog then baby throw me to the wolves, I’ll never get to heaven with my glass half full’ I have no clue if it is trying to be flirty, sexy or just weird but I love it.
Any Live Performances?: For reasons I still don’t understand yet appreciate they incorporated ‘Waiting’ into the Out of Control Tour setlist, keeping in mind this was an album track from an record that came out about three years earlier. I guess they just like singing it: The live versions are much, much better than the recording. While I love that in the OOC performance a more confident Nicola found yet another ace way of saying ‘Mr Magic is not some toy,’ the energy and goofy dancing (especially from Cheryl) in the Wembley performance is off the charts.
9. Every Now and Then (Ten)
When Girls Aloud got back together to celebrate their ten year anniversary after three years apart, it was fair to say the fans were disappointed that the new album was packaged as a greatest hits collection when we were all dying for new material. But then we heard the 4 new tracks that padded out side one and…well…what I thought of the singles will have to wait for part 3, but my fucking God…Xenomania were awake again and God bless them all.
Every Now and Then is quite the banging tune. It is all kinds of intense and while the robo voice effects/icy production have been done better elsewhere it is still top drawer Aloud. The build up to the chorus is sublime and when it hits…All you can do is grab hold of something and hang on tight.
We all knew the end was nigh. When I heard Every Now and Then I wept a bit. Because it was over and because it was over. You see, they shouldn’t have ended because they were still phenomenal. But they should have ended because they were STILL phenomenal. It remains a fitting send off to the group that I genuinely do think about every now and then.
Best Lyric: ‘Never ever going back, I said I never would again, it’s better now that we’re apart, but I still think about you every now and then’ Does that not just sum up break ups so tidily? Xenomania should do Hallmark cards.
Best Vocal: Nicola sounds perfect in the opening, Cheryl sounds appropriately heartbroken with ‘but my heart won’t beat again’ and ‘you know why’ but Nadine’s voice really soars on this one in the chorus and ‘it flickers now and then.’
Any Live Performances?: No. No. Nope. It’s ok…I’m fine…
I’m not really over this. Fucks sake they did Call Me Maybe on the last tour but not this?!
8. Miss You Bow Wow (Out of Control)
This song could well be the worst thing that ever existed. Or, more likely, a fairly innocuous bit of fluff. But here is the thing…I couldn’t tell you. I am not fit to judge it because it makes me happier than words can possibly explain. I have for the last several years screamed ‘I REMEM-BERRRR…’ at random moments quite a lot of the time and it never fails to fill my heart with a kind of lit up joy. Hell, I sing it so often my Partner regularly joins in with lyrics they made up themselves. Sometimes it alarms me just how much of my spare time is spent this way. You know how you can work out how many years people spend filling in tax returns and bathing etc? I suspect at least 5% of my life so far has been spent bellowing the lyrics to ‘Miss You Bow Wow’
And what lyrics. I ask you, not for the last time on this list, what the actual fuck is this song on about? He is looking bow wow wow? What??? Oh the words are quite remarkably dumb and yet they repeat them over and over as if that is going to help! The guitars and lines like ’20 minutes in the holiday bar then I slip into your girlfriend’s jeans’ suggest they were going for something with a little edge and if that is true they missed the mark with unutterable ineptitude…But if they just wanted to make another electro pop ear worm that is both perfect and ridiculous at the same time that I could dance around my room to then I salute you Xenomania…I DO remember living the dream…
Best Lyric: It does have to be: ‘I remember living the dream…20 minutes in the hotel bar, then I slip into your girlfriend’s jeans’ Horrible magic.
Best Vocal: The best bits are sung by Nadine, Cheryl and Sarah together so it is hard to single anyone out, but Sarah seems to be having the most fun with it and it suits her voice.
Any Live Performances?: Oh hell yes. From the Out of Control tour. Half the views on this video are me. I love this performance. Nadine may flub the lyrics to her solo but makes it up with her riff, Cheryl and Sarah are having a ball, and even my sadly silenced Nic gets a gorgeous moment at 3:18 and watching them jump and down like idiots on the second chorus is just…This is happiness.
7. Models (Chemistry)
A stonking opener to a superb album and the most single ready song they never released, Models is a fast paced, pissed off, sarcastic scene setter-Letting you know the tone of the album right off the bat. The theme of the record, to put it simply, seems to be: Is modern fame not just shallow and a bit shit? Which is a wonderful back bite to come from a now established and possibly world weary reality TV show commodity.
And the thing is, they can pull it off. Sure Cheryl was thrust into the middle of exactly this sort of bullshit by dating a footballer (‘only A list allowed’) and the rough edges borne of the council estates most of them grew up on was beginning to be rubbed out altogether, but they can still sell the Hell out of a song that needs a bad attitude. Each of them bring something to the table on Models whether it’s a silly posh accent, a Northern twang on the chorus, or bellowing the word ‘shit’ like her life depends on it (God bless Nurhdeen) each girl is fed up of London Fashion Week and the like in her own special way.
It is a heady, toxic, delirious slice of perfect electro pop and a genuine triumph of modern music. Models: Because when Girls Aloud get bored, the vocals get better.
Best Lyric: There’s a lot of funny stuff, the chorus is pretty great, but my personal vote goes to: ‘The girl’s got style, legs for miles, seen ’em walk all over you…’ We know that couple, yes? Sure we do.
Best Vocal: I really love how much Nurhdeen loves: ‘You get your kicks like flies to shit buzzing round the model zoo’ Fucking class act that girl.
Any Live Performances?: They seem to be having a whale of a time during the Chemistry tour…and with songs this good I’m not surprised:
WARNING: Photo compulsive epileptics beware! There are a lot of flashing lights in this one.
6. Girl Overboard (Tangled Up)
Girl Overboard is dance music at its most joyfully dramatic and I really love that the mood of the piece fits with the best of serious Aloud: All emotionally desperate but achingly beautiful. How dare I call it a ‘piece’ you say? Well fuck you, I would take ‘Girl Overboard’ over…well, insert any highbrow nonsense you dare here please. The girls sound great, the music is intense, the beat bloody well means business and I wave my arms up and down shouting ‘Oooh-oooh’ every time. It gets awkward on public transport.
Reading reviews of this song (and indeed the album) the phrase ‘Euro’ comes up a lot and while I can understand why (is it possible to listen to it without imagining you are in Ibiza getting an STI?) I will defend the lyrical content as being more interesting than your average floor filler. I have always interpreted it as a comment on the out of control head rush of the sudden fame the girls experienced. It is so easy to get lost. As with ‘Real Life’ above I might be giving Cooper and Higgins too much credit here but I can relate to that feeling of being overwhelmed and trying to stop for a moment to take in what is happening.
Or maybe it is about a girl who fell off a boat, I don’t know.
Best Lyric: ‘Somewhere along, I played it wrong, fell into a world so far from home’ Just…yes.
Best Vocal: I like everyone here, which is always nice. But I will single out Nicola on the last ‘somewhere along…’ as her vulnerable vocal suits it best.
Any Live Performances?: Yep. After the big intro, Girl Overboard kicks off the great Tangled Up tour. It is good stuff too. As with pretty much every track on this tour DVD it sounds like the chorus is dubbed but pushing that aside the solo moments are superb. Nadine really brings it, Nicola remains my Queen, and Sarah sounds fantastic but, rather unfortunately, my takeaway from this performance is that the choreographer clearly had their work cut out. The routine in the dance break, without the ‘boys’ to cover them, just screams ‘I am 14 and I made this up in front my mirror’ and I kind of love it:
The final order of the top 5 was a nightmare. Each of these songs are actual classics. Indisputably perfect. To try and write about my love for them hurts my heart. It is like trying to write my wedding vows or something. How can I condense the strength of my feeling into a few measly lines? The world must know though…So here we go…
5. Graffiti My Soul (What will the Neighbours Say?)
Originally composed for the Britney Spears album ‘Me Against the Music’ I am surprised her ‘team’ turned it down given how well I feel it would have suited Brit-Brit’s distinctive vocal styling and the record she put out that year. Apparently she recorded it but in the end they felt the lack of chorus was a problem. Cheryl said that the way Brit delivered the line ‘You dream of touching me there’ still haunts her nightmares and frankly I feel we all deserve to hear that. But oh well. All the more for Aloud.
You may have spotted I have not yet posted the link to the song. I feel it deserves a preamble before it literally blows your socks off. Xenomania are at their best when the lyrics are insane/catchy, the beat is big and bad and there is a hook to cling to. Here that hook is the guitar riff taken from the song ‘It’s not the Drug’ by Peplab. Supposedly Brian Higgins went all the way to Amsterdam to ask to nab it for the track and the band, presumably startled when he leapt out of a stripper cake or something, said yes. Combine it with utter filth and you have pure joy.
Utter filth? Hell yes. Remember all the innuendo in Here We Go and Deadlines and Diets I mentioned ages ago? Well for Graffiti my Soul they thought ‘fuck subtlety with a lubricated horse dick, let’s just literally give the 18 year Catholic girl the opening gambit of…’
That’s right. Nadine Coyle has a fist full of love that’s coming your way. And boy oh boy oh boy does it make me giddy:
Are you honestly telling me you feel nothing? Sure it is a noisy, chaotic, brash mess but it is also 5 young girls declaring an open heart as good as suicide and warning would be suitors that they are not yet interested in kids and cash…It is a celebration of being young and horny and they sell it without being too gratuitous. Unlike the likes of the Pussycat Dolls, when Girls Aloud sing about sex it doesn’t feel like a marketing gimmick trying to hook in boys-This is one for the girls. And yet it doesn’t feel patronising either. It understands the joy of being desirable without any of the longing for longevity. Kind of like being a teenager in a reality pop band…
Plus, even if you are not 20 years old and eager to do the knuckle shuffle on a Saturday night with a ‘walking talking mannequin’ you just met at a bar, it is still one of the most danceable songs I have ever heard.
Graffiti my Soul gets me going in a way I can’t explain. I want to weep. Just…thank you Xenomania. I stamp my feet in gratitude.
Best Lyric: Could there be any other? I’ve been waiting more than a year to write: ‘Spike heels and skin tight jeans, I’ve got a fist full of love that’s coming your way’
I’m sobbing right now. I love it sooooo much.
Best Vocal: Oh it has to be Nadine. I can’t get enough of her battle cry. Her ‘I’m complicated…And I celebrate it’ is also great.
Any Live Performances?: Oh the school disco vibe is strong in this one:
4. On the Metro (Ten)
I never thought I’d live to see the day a Girls Aloud song NOT produced by Xenomania would get this close to my ears so very often. But here we are. In late 2012, Girls Aloud released their final album and of the 4 new tracks my stand out favourite was produced by…The Committe. Nope. Me neither. Whoever they are I want to shake their hands. The President, the Vice President, the whole committee. But having said that the production is probably my least favourite bit of the track as it isn’t actually that pleasant to the ears for the most part. Eventually the nasty bit fades to the back of your brain but that doesn’t change the fact that you now have a headache.
But it is all worth it. It is fabulously camp and manages to be both horrendous and glorious at the same time. But the real reason this song beats some slightly better disco/dance tracks for me are the lyrics. So who was responsible? One of them, producer DJ Fresh, was extremely irritated that the song was never released as a single. I share his distress.
But anyway back to the lyricists. Oh look at that-
Of all the blogs, in all the internet…I wish you would come to mine.
Can I just take a minute to talk about how much I love Nicola Marie Roberts? Because I do. I love her so much.
I know the context. And no I am not sharing. Still love her.
Keep in mind when the group was formed the world didn’t really know how to respond to the moodiest of all moody teens. Kimberly had alluring lips, hips and a natural warmth, Sarah was all lairy, Nadine had the pipes and Cheryl captured the nations hearts with her frank Geordie ways. Nicola got near constant shit thrown at her because she rarely got solos so just kind of hung around the stage looking a bit awkward and generally like her cat had just been run over, not to mention she had the audacity to have red hair and pale skin…But I knew. So when all the girls went away to work on solo projects I waited patiently. I wasn’t even worried. I knew when Nicola emerged again that would be good enough for me.
But as high as my expectations were she surpassed them. Sporting an attitude so thick it wore a dunce cap and wearing many silly outfits, Nicola reinvented herself as the talented one. Not the ginger one. Not the ‘ugly’ one. Not the rude one. Although she mentions all of these labels on the record and wears them as badges of honour. Her war wounds. But more than emerging with her pride still in tact Nicola had arrived as the only one in Girls Aloud who understood how to be witty in song.
Her triumph may not have lead to global superstardom or even a ‘local girl dun good’ story but nonetheless the same critics who called her out for sticking out like a sore thumb in the girl band photo shoots now hailed her as the saviour of weird pop.
But here is not the place for a glowing review of the phenomenal ‘Cinderella’s Eyes’ This has all been leading up to one thing: Her contribution to Ten, the gloriously spot on On the Metro.
This is a story we all know. Many of us have lived it. And the detail is sparkling. Nicola is in a bar, nursing a drink, a dude comes over dancing self consciously, she thinks it is going well, but when she returns from the bathroom he has gone and so she heads home on the train in drunken tears, writing his name on the window. While Robyn nailed the pain of watching your love make out with another at a disco in ‘Dancing on my Own’ and Sia the self destructive nature of binge drinking in ‘Chandelier’ it is Nicola Roberts who wins the ‘Dancing gone Wrong Song’ prize for nailing the horror that is the night out hook up that doesn’t even last the whole night.
Oh and guy from Liquid in 2005? The one who kissed my hand and told me I was beautiful? I know that you feel the same baby, but I don’t have your number only got your name, so do look me up won’t you?
Best Lyric: Oh lordy…Let’s go with ‘I left my heart at the disco, now I’m crying on the metro’ It is so simple but really highlights the juxtaposition of the dramatic and the mundane that inevitably comes when you are hammered.
Best Vocal: I’m not just saying it cause she wrote it but Nicola nails that opening: ‘A hundred O’s and X’s lighting up the dark, now they turn into a question mark’ and she really relishes singing about her soda pop.
Any Live Performances?: In Classic Nicola style, this was her response when a music website asked their readers if ‘On the Metro’ should have been the lead single off Ten:
Did I mention I love her?
But thank goodness it didn’t go the same way as Memory of You, Every Now and Then and #3 and #1 on this list. They did perform it on their final tour. I was there. Actually during this song I was so close to the girls I could have reached out and touched them. But I didn’t. Sarah seemed to be having a hard enough time keeping up without such a distraction. I simply cheered. And cheered. And cheered.
(WARNING: More flashing lights.)
3. Singapore (The Sound of Girls Aloud, Special Edition)
This one nearly went on the B Side list seeing as it was recorded during the Chemistry sessions but didn’t make the cut. But it did make it to AN album. I only looked it up because I was doing a youtube quiz about their songs (Oh sure, you’ve made better decisions?) and I didn’t recognise it. Why did it take so long for me to discover? Well Singapore was unceremoniously banished to the second disc on the special edition version of their FIRST greatest hits album which was actually just all their singles. Yeah. I am a fan and all but I am not THAT much of a completest. So even though it has become one of my favourite songs period, it nearly passed me by due to the poor choice to give it the Memory of You treatment and shove it as far away from the limelight as humanly possible.
I sort of understand why though. Singapore seems a bit unfinished. After a great intro/bridge/chorus, the ‘Dreams means more’ section meanders horribly, always making me think of the classic jingle ‘beans mean Heinz’ some of the rhythm/rhymes are tenuous as all hell and the song kind of tails off when it runs out of things to say.
Having said all THAT…It actually makes me cry the happy/sad sort of tears when I am in the right sort of mood. It captures the inevitable doom of the long distance relationship in an almost unbearably tender and poignant fashion. Behold. And let the stop motion jelly babies tell you the story:
It contains some of my favourite lyrics and vocal work and very possibly my favourite (is this true? It feels true) chorus they ever did. Just listen to it…The sentiment is spot on: The suppressed emotion behind a line like: ‘Ciao, I’m waiting for your call’ when it immediately follows a line like ‘God it nearly breaks me’ just speaks volumes about the pain they are in. It is actually proper clever and stuff.
And then there is: ‘In my head I can see our long goodbye…you kiss my lips as I try to fix your tie’ You can see it can’t you? She is thinking about the time they will have to say goodbye even as they have this little intimate moment…She can’t enjoy it because the sadness is coming…
The chorus flows so beautifully, the bridge is truly heart breaking, with Cheryl really nailing her self frustration as she coos: ‘Gotta stop believing what the movies say’ Man, I feel I could talk about the lyrics forever. Oh just one more…Who can resist Nicola struggling to fit the word ‘tropicana’ into the opening verse? If you can, I hate you. So…Get out.
But more than anything else, that chorus. I can see this lost soul, stumbling around the street, bereft without her love, watching the sun go down in dismay, turning down the invites to go out, wrapping themselves in his 2nd favourite hoodie (he took his favourite one to Singapore obvs) even as the sad karaoke track bubbles cheerfully behind them, fading out…Ok just ONE more listen…
Dark streets…only suffocate me…
Best Lyric: ‘In a world where the sun don’t always shine…I can see tropicana in your eyes’ is fantastic but let’s just take another hour or two to admire how each line of the chorus feeds the next: ‘Dark streets only suffocate me, now you’re off to Singapore, heart aches, God it nearly breaks me, Ciao: I’m waiting for your call’ Romeo and Juliet can eat shit and die as far as I am concerned. That is pure poetry. Ok I know R&J is not a poem…Just shut up ok?
Best Vocal: Kim and Sarah get a raw, raw deal with the Beans means Heinz section. Seriously. The other three truly get a chance to shine though. Nadine DOES make my heart ache, I TRULY believe Cheryl when she says she wishes he was with her but my Nicola wins again. Her delivery of the tropicana lyric is charming but what cinches it is the way she sings the line ‘That’s the way I feel…You’re all the love I need’ she KNOWS it doesn’t rhyme. Listen to her: She wants to say kneel so bad…It makes me smile every single time.
Any Live Performances?: Nope.
Cheryl is angry too…
But at least someone animated some jelly babies dancing for me. It helps. It really does.
2. Black Jacks (Tangled Up)
I have previously discussed how part of the charm of Xenomania comes from the bonkers nature of their lyrical content. Sure we all love a bit Zimmerman and Tupac and all that poetic truth but sometimes there is something a bit charming about singing along with a song and then going: ‘What the fuck did I just say?’ A lot of pop at the time Girls Aloud were flying was just dull. Like all the words had been spoken and so it was just about putting them in a new order. Essentially love is important, break ups are hard, money is good and the DJ better turn up the music or else. And then you get an album track like Black Jacks which has a chorus opener like ‘there’s black jacks running down my back and I say stop cause I love you baby’
What the actual fuck does that mean? It is like they put some clichés in a blender and switched it on. Then stuck the chunks together in a random order. What is a black jack anyway? They never do say.
Here’s the middle 8:
‘Teacher didn’t you know, I’m getting into the boat, these boots are making me slow, ain’t you going too fast, the future’s set in the past, you keep on telling me so’
Out of context it is almost too silly. It is drivel, about nothing at all. But then you add that fabulous 90’s Northern soul sound and couple it with 60’s psychedelia and it suddenly fits. It is urgent, fun, brilliant…It works so well. I feel alive when I listen to this song. I want to run out into the street and start swinging someone round in a circle against their will:
Each section works together and separately. The opening is a great build up handled deftly by Nurhdeen, then there is the joy of the punchy, shout out along chorus and that rowdy ‘New York nothing’ segment is spectacularly well placed…There is nothing I would change. Oh except more Nicola. Always more Nicola.
I don’t have much else to say except…
Best Lyric: ‘There’s black jacks running down my back and I say stop…cause I love you baby’
What does that mean???? Nobody knows…I don’t even care. It just works.
Best Vocal: Nadine dominates most of the vocal on this one, I prefer her delivery of the line: ‘Wasting my time, out at sea when you’re following me all the way’
Any Live Performances?: They performed it during the Tangled Up tour and I quite enjoy Sarah’s enthusiastic whooping for a change and their exuberant shouts during the ‘New York Nothing!’ segments. Also Nadine changes the line ‘Jumping IN your face’ to ‘jumping ON your face’ which is pretty excellent.
Nearly 10 thousand words later we have arrived at our destination. I would apologise for the delay but it was a hell of a ride…
For me anyway. I enjoyed it.
1. Swinging London Town (Chemistry)
Swinging London Town is the best Girls Aloud album track that was never a single and never performed live by the group. And no. It is not just because Nicola Roberts named it her favourite Girls Aloud song. And because her voice dominates it. And because…Nicola…
Where was I? Oh yeah. So shit gets real fast with this one. Right from the off the music is blistering, the lyrics are saturated with biting satire, the beat is crazy, the tempo shifts just as it is losing you and then the whole thing builds to an almighty climax. It tells the story, paints the pictures, invites you in and the girls sizzle, smirking their way through the dizzying tunnel of electro pop into the delicious cool pool of cynicism. It is a masterclass in not giving a shit delivered by a team of writers who care too much and it is as close to perfect as a frenzied ‘here we fucking go!’ kind of track can ever, ever be.
I love it. I worship it. I bow down to Swinging London Town:
(More crazy flashing for a short time but it might be worth a seizure in my personal experience, the song is that good)
Lots of people have compared this to ‘West End Girls’ by the Pet Shop Boys and it is easy to see why. In many ways Girls Aloud and Xenomania did pick up that particular baton and run with it. The synth, the guitars, the buzz-it is so groovy. That is my main point you should hold on to. In my enthusiasm I will be getting pretentious but more than anything else the song soars with how much you want to dance to it. Keep in mind that the year this album came out the biggest, most heard songs around the globe were Maroon 5’s ‘She will be Loved’ and James Blunt’s ‘Your Beautiful’ We needed Chemistry. So badly. Girls Aloud saved the charts. And the fact that the album only got to #11 suggests we didn’t even say thank you.
Do I mean Girls Aloud saved the charts? Or do I mean Xenomania? Nope. This time I mean the girls themselves. Many critics like to single them out as the least essential members of the team but fuck that. Each girl takes their section (Sarah Kimberly, Nicola, Cheryl, Nadine, Nicola again because yessss) and performs the hell out of it. They seem to understand that they are part of the problem. Sure the price of the cocktails make them choke on their sushi, but it is all they have. Even the music fades in and out, teasing the fleeting nature of reality pop success. Sure it is empty and frivolous but in their world weary delivery you can taste their fear-This is all temporary.
‘I guess I’m neck deep in it and starting to drown, along with all the wannabes in swinging London Town…’
Sure all the big female soloists have money notes and key changes and can perform basic 5 part harmonies (something I am sure all the members of Girls Aloud would admit when cornered they never got the hang of) but can your Mariahs and Christinas take lines like ‘I pussyfoot from drink to drink in swinging London Town’ and make it sound so true? Or how about ‘Now a downward slide to rehab and all of it for free’? Or ‘Daddy’s Bentley still full of gear?’
Do we know them? Really, really know them?
I honestly believe Xenomania cracked it here: Marrying the best the girls could offer with superb lyrics and a stomping beat. Chemistry was at least partially meant as an experiment exploring the shallowness of fame in 2005. Swinging London Town is the final report-Fame in 2005 is both attractive and repulsive. Simultaneously inviting and horrific. Like holding down a job, having children and dying-Nobody knows the truth of it until it is too late to escape.
So you might as well dance.
Best Lyric: Oh God, don’t make me choose! I personally have a soft spot for Kimberly’s verse. ‘Do you know the me that wakes in places, faces I’ve never seen, the mother of all hangovers to remind me where I’ve been, and if I stop, I’m sickened, it really gets me down, so I step back into the city lights the Queen of London Town’ That moment of self realisation immediately masked with extra strength delusion is so wonderfully human.
Best Vocal: Another tricky one, just reinforcing I made the right call by putting this song at Number 1 on my list. I think they all sound wonderfully distinctive-Sarah’s growl, Cheryls light touch, Nadine’s gurn, Kim’s crisp delivery, but I have to give it to Nicola. Is it bias? Possibly. But listen to her lament the fate of the poor little rich girl who does it cause she can and admire the final verse where she closes the door to the party gently but firmly behind her with the most beautiful parting shot.
You already know the answer to the live performances one. Gutted.
Well if you made it through all of that there is a chance you are crazier for the Aloud than I am. In which case you will want to return again in the future for Part 3 when I go through the GA Singles and rate them in order of personal preference, thus revealing my very favourite Girls Aloud tune.
Nicola is shaking with antici-